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520 days sober: A Target Yoga Mat

I listened to Flo tell her story at the Ashtanga and Addiction workshop. How brave. How vulnerable. How powerful. “Questions?” I was hesitant to participate. I wasn’t really there as an attendee. I had practiced earlier. I was just there to support her. 
Someone brought up committing to daily practice. There can be strong feelings on this topic. Daily feels like too much. You feel guilty for missing. Life sometimes gets in the way. Empathetic to the self-judgement when you can’t meet this “requirement,” I injected, “The practice doesn’t require us to do primary series, or second series…I understand, almost everything you need is in Sun A and B. That takes, what 10, mins. Just do that if you can’t make it to shala or commit to a full practice, and you have practiced!” Packing for my work trip to the West Coast, I thought back to this discussion. I was going to commit to practice on this trip. My Manduka mat can be unwieldy so I rolled up my MySore rug and shoved it in my bag. I’d figure it out.

Mission Ashtanga is San Francisco has special place in my heart. It represents the first time I practiced with a teacher I didn’t know. Most days I would be me practicing in my hotel room, but I wanted to practice with Devorah at least once.

By dinner Tuesday, after jet lag, morning practice in the hotel, customer meetings and round trip across the Golden Gate bridge, I gave out.

Back in my room began reasoning why I couldn’t practice at Mission Ashtanga the next morning.

I’d still be too tired in the morning. I will sleep through my alarm. No reason to try.

I only had a rug. The website says bring a mat and towel. I could buy a travel mat, but LuLuLemon was closed. Can’t go.

Target has yoga mats. What would people think? That’s a 15 min walk. You are dead. Take a Lyft? You do not need to spend money on a Lyft or a mat. That would be irresponsible. You’re so irresponsible Butler.

I closed my eyes. 
Open eyes. I walk to Target. Buy a $20 yoga mat. Walk home. Sleep. 
4:30 am. Coffee. Lyft to shala.

Practice.

No one gave a fuck about what kind of mat I had. It made no difference. My practice was my practice. I did feel stronger.