Five years ago today, I walked into Dr. Philip Flores’ office to seek professional help for an addiction I had been battling for over a decade. I was exhausted and tired of lying. I was tired of fearing people who believed in me would find out. I was tired of waking up and saying “not today” only to find myself doing that very thing hours later. Two failed long term relationships because I chose my addiction over honesty and intimacy. I not sure they ever knew why. Even my best friends had no idea I was high nearly every time we were together. I lied to everyone.
What had started out as a way to get people to like me turned into uncontrollable behavior. What was once a prop had become an addiction.
I was in a battle with myself, and I didn’t even know if I wanted to survive. It felt like both a spiral and a snowball with no way out.
I sat down, started crying and admitted I was an addict.
6 months later I found Balance Yoga Atlanta by randomly typing “yoga basics atlanta” in a search engine. In Balance, I found a loving a community. No judgement just patience and concern. I can’t imagine where I would be without this shala and my practice. I am grateful.
It would take me years to finally have the strength to go completely sober. I realized it was the only way for me to truly understand myself, begin to fully heal and begin treating others with the kindness and respect every human deserves.
Five years ago today I began to choose me. I chose to live. I am fortunate to have friends who supported and cared for me. A best friend who never gave up on me. A coworker who took me in and sheltered me.
I do not wish my past on anyone, but I am grateful for who I am today. I am not perfect nor do I wish to be. I am strong and resilient and happier than I ever remember being. I would not trade my life with anyone.
If you need help, admit and seek it. You can change. You can get better. There is no shame in choosing yourself and getting the help you need.
Thank you for listening. I love y’all.