Monthly Archives: August 2017

I began my Ashtanga yoga practice at Balance Yoga nearly 4 years ago. At 246 lbs (no, I could not touch my toes) and newly in recovery I went to my first yoga basics class. I learned the first few poses in the Ashtanga primary series (had no idea what that meant.) Ashtanga is a sequenced, mostly self-led practice . As you build strength, gain flexibility and master your breathing your teachers (❤️ you Kathy and Marsha) will allow you to progress in the series.

This discipline of doing the same sequence 5 to 6 days a week allows you to really be in tune with your body. At first I saw great results, but over the next 3 years I was plagued by weakness and injury. My muscles would shake in most poses. As soon as I would build up to half-primary series an injury would knock me back down. Vinyasa was not available to me as I would have pain simply from holding plank. I was still drinking heavily daily and proudly wore a shirt that said, “whiskey + yoga.” It’s about balance right? 😁

I was supposed to be getting stronger; my muscles were deteriorating. I was supposed to be making progress. I was going backwards. For three years I struggled. I would have so much pain in purvottanasana (pictured here) it would derail my practice and often set me back. I wanted to give up. I couldn’t help but think, “If my muscles are falling apart, what is happening to my heart?”

In January I stopped drinking. In 8 months, my practice has improved more than the 3 years before. Last week I completed all asanas in primary series for the first time. I am able to vinyasa and, on good days jump through. I can now hold purvottanasanaa, and it feels good to open my heart.

Not drinking made all the difference. This is part of my story. If you have any questions please reach out. I love you.

I stopped drinking 220 days ago. Recently I questioned my decision. I am recounting these events to remind myself why I chose this path; why it is necessary.

By May of 2016 my body was falling apart. After practicing yoga for 3 years, my progress halted. A chronic shoulder injury, tendonitis and weakness plagued me. I collapsed on Piedmont Road sober one afternoon. Blood work showed a major vitamin D deficiency. After some research, I was pretty sure I had alcoholic myopathy. It takes months of not drinking to reverse. If drinking affected muscle this way, what was it doing to my heart?

In September 2016, I read, “A ‘Memory Hacker’ Explains How to Plant False Memories in People’s Minds”. This stood out, “The world as you know it only exists to you, [as you are] right now. Every day you wake up a new person,” with a different brain.” I could to wake up with a new brain! Just feed it goodness not whiskey. It gave me hope I could change.

A few days later, an article, “I HATE saying I’m SOBER,” appeared on LinkedIn. Jenny Schatzle’s story resonated with me. I could identify. I wrote her. She was very kind to respond. More hope.

I attended a close friend’s wedding in November. I disgraced myself. I got into a heated argument with my friend, the groom, at rehearsal dinner. I got blackout drunk at the wedding. The next morning I woke up sickened with the feeling of not knowing what I said or did or how I embarrassed my friends. I am still ashamed.

George Michael died on Christmas Day. His death hit me harder than any other death that year. I had already been drinking most of that day, and upon arriving back in Atlanta I listened to his music, drank myself into a stupor and cried. He died at age 53. It seemed so young.

At 11:03 that night I text Mama, “How old was daddy’s daddy when he died? He had a problem with alcohol right?” “57, heart damage from alcohol”

“How long had he been sober?” “15 years.”

Will I live to 57?

For me, there is only one choice. Stop drinking.

I never met my grandfather. He died 8 days before I was born. I want to thank him for helping me do what was necessary so I can become the best man I can be. I love you.

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