470 Days Sober: Choosing to do what is right for me.
Yesterday day I completed @taylorhuntyoga#Ashtanga intensive in Ohio. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
I’ve never been good at choosing to do what is right for me. I just let life happen to me. Often letting other people drive.
I have a chemistry degree simply because it was the shortest path to a degree when I was forced to choose. I went to graduate school because my professor suggested it.
Even when addictions were destroying my mind and body, I would not quit because I thought it was the only thing people liked about me.
5 years ago I began to take control of my life. I admitted I had a problem. I chose to get help.
6 months later I signed up for a basics of Ashtanga class. I was 240 lbs, newly in recovery and still a drunk. Yet I chose to keep practicing.
Last year I chose to stop drinking. For those who don’t know, Taylor conspired to help me get sober before I ever met him. I am forever grateful. When I learned he was hosting an intensive I wanted to go. However… I was “supposed” to go to the beach. You know, get some R&R from my rewarding yet stressful life. My friend Glen and I were already planning this year’s trip. I didn’t want to disappoint my friends. I mean, who would understanding trading a week in St John for Columbus, Ohio.
I also do not consider myself an adept yogi. I did not “belong” at a yoga intensive.
And I knew by going I’d have to face a truth I didn’t want to face.
Taylor and I spoke, not about the intensive, but about our mutual belief that yoga can help those suffering from addiction. After our conversation, I knew where I needed to be.
I arrived at our house, and even amongst close friends, I reverted to old patterns of thinking. My brain told me I didn’t fit in, and I felt like didn’t know how to connect.
I needed to focus on why I was there. Everything else had to be secondary.
Practice drained me physically, emotionally, mentally, yet every day I chose to show up and begin again. Every day this group gave their all. They inspired me to do the same.
I was strong enough to do what was right for me.
I feel like I belong.