Many of you only know about past behaviours through my stories, and those of you who knew me before I got sober, only saw what I allowed you to see. People knew I liked to party and often drank “too much”. No one knew to what extent I was drinking.
A friend sent me the picture from April 2012. It’s as close a picture I have to what my old life was like. This was just a beautiful summer day, probably around 1pm, I was drinking Jack Daniels straight out of the bottle, and even this picture doesn’t show the numerous other substances that were likely in my body. This was my normal.
Neither best friend nor girlfriend knew I was battling a drug addiction. Plenty of other people knew I did a lot of drugs because they’d want me to hook them up. To them it was some fun they had when they got drunk on the weekends but for me it never stopped.
I thought that was living. I was killing myself.
There is a great book called the Principal of the Path by Andy Stanley. Stanley argues that although we can’t predict the future with absolute certainty, if we pause to extrapolate the path we are on, we can see the possibilities of where the path leads. If we don’t like those outcomes then we need to take action to set ourselves on a new path with new possible outcomes. The scientist in me like to think of this as taking peak in the 5th dimension and observing my possible timelines.
My path led to an early death, jail, and causing other great sadness.
I chose a different way. I admitted to my best friends and girlfriend I had a problem. I surrendered to the guidance of others. I learned about myself and why I behave the way I do. I took up yoga to start healing my body.
I used to hate myself, and I did everything I could to destroy my childhood identity. Now I am thankful to be alive. I don’t hate the guy on the left anymore, I love him. I love him because I would not be the man I am today without him.
If the guy on the left can change, anyone can change, and that gives me hope for all of humankind.
We are all on this journey together, let’s not make enemies of ourselves or each other.