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1051 Days Sober I don't know if truer words have ever been spoken to me. At least that is how it felt in that moment. "The choice was made long before the action," I read his text in his distinctive way of talking. Fortunately my actions were not harmful, except to my immediate mental state, and mild in the grand scheme of things but I did just do something I promised myself I'd never do again. There was no premeditation, no volition, no thoughts to warn me. Data would suggest I was in no danger of falling into this old...

I have not yet researched where the Sanskrit word sadhana might have first appeared, even though I tend to enjoy etymology. I was first exposed to the word in reading Iyengar’s Light on the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.Sadhana has come to be associated with “a spiritual practice.” I prefer Iyengar’s definition of a methodical, sequential means to accomplish one’s aim in life.I define sadhana as the things I do intentionally and with regularity right now to be the best me, tweaked over time — my beloved scientific method applied to myself.My yoga practice is not my sadhana. It is simply...

870 days sober: The Daily Minimum Do you know what my yoga practice requires outside of myself? Nothing. All it requires is for me to breathe, gaze and move. No teacher required. No mat. Just me. Physically it is as intense or as playful as you allow it to be. Mentally just stepping on your mat can be  a battle. My practice as been sparse over the last few weeks. I'd like to say work travel and injury were the root cause.  I have a feeling it has more to do with my tendency, if left to my own devices,...

860 days sober: Today I didn't quit After my second Sun Salutation the internal conversation started. "How in the fuck am we going to finish practice?" I was weak which was seemingly at odds with my practice earlier this week. I swear body states change as easily as mental and emotional ones. Was it the weeks of travel between Charleston, Indianapolis, New York, Austin and Tampa? Or the cookies and cheese I enjoyed with laughter the day before. At least I wouldn't have to do a chaturanga or upward dog until I finished standing. However, my mind was not being...

If there is something you want to change in your life, you can. You might not be able to see a way or hell, you might not even recognize there is something you want to change yet. For many years people hoped for me. They hoped I would not drive home drunk again. They hoped I'd not show up that drunk again. They hoped I wouldn't say that to their guests. They hoped I didn't drink myself to death. I hoped the whiskey didn't run out. None of their hope seem to matter then because I didn't see a problem....

I am a Southerner. I was raised in Harrison, Georgia, a rural town of about 500 people; median income $18,125 in today’s dollars. I was bused 1.5 hours up and down dirt roads, every day, to go to school in the county seat, Sandersville. The dream of most families was for their kids to work in the kaolin (chalk) mines. I never felt like I fit in. I didn’t want to hunt. I didn’t want to play football on Thanksgiving. I wanted to play Dungeons & Dragons, ride my skateboard, and play on the computer. I have two degrees in...

790 Days sober: I don’t have to feel this way. I stared through the window into the bar connected to my hotel in San Francisco. Everyone was having so much fun. I remembered a time when I could participate. Unfortunately I wasn't recalling all the pain and hurt my drinking caused. I thought, "I don’t have to feel his way." I could just go in. It's the first time in two years I can remember having a thought like this. My mind was betraying me. Which is an odd thing to think about since my mind and my body is...

I did not want to make the drive. Not again. A three hour drive into my own personal heart of darkness. Sitting with my thoughts while speeding to the very region I spent a lifetime escaping Garfield is not unlike the small rural Georgia town I grew up in. My brother has spent the last nine months working the program at New Beginnings in Christ Men's Recovery Home. New Beginning was started in campers in the backyard of Mr. Donald and his wife. Now they house and feed 84 men free of charge in exchange for the men working the...

Sutra 1.21 "The goal is near for those who are supremely vigorous and intense in practice" Sutra 1.22 "There are differences between those who are mild, average and keen in their practices." A friend called me up recently seeking advice, "I admire your ability to seemingly navigate stress and conflict with a sense of peace and objectivity," and wanted to learn he might cultivate the same mindset. I assured him if there was any truth to his perception, it was the product of years of practice. I once listened to Vedic scholar, Sree Aswath, (pictured) speak on yoga and the...

As a boy I loved to learn. Mama would sit with me at the dining room table every night and help me with my studies. Daddy, always the avid reader, modeled the behaviors of a lifelong learner.I am not sure where it changed. But after more than a decade of drug and alcohol abuse, my brain was not what it once was. Once a master of chemistry, I could now barely string together coherent sentences.In the year before getting sober, my body and my brain were falling apart. I spent thousands of dollars on all types of doctors trying to...