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"Get busy with life's purpose, toss aside empty hopes, get active in your own rescue - if you care for yourself at all - and do it while you can." Meditation 3.14 Last week I found writings from Jan 1st 2017. I forgot I wrote them. I described myself as riddled with anxiety and depression, wishing I was more articulate, and drinking too much, yet encouraged I had found new interests in philosophy and art. "I want to figure out the type of man I want to be and think through how that man might conduct himself." "Oh yeah and...

Day 350 snuck up on me. It is crazy how quickly ten days (or your life) can pass. I have been sober almost a year now. So young in my sobriety I am still experiencing many things for the first time. The holidays have always had strange effect on me. I love the season. I (too) often break out (poorly) singing Christmas songs in the office (sorry) from I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas to Wham's Last Christmas. However, as the Christmas spirit grows around me I begin feeling more and more like I don't belong anywhere and feel very...

This passage from The Gita makes me think of @taylorhuntyoga "What the outstanding person does, others will try to do. The standards such people create will be followed by the whole world." 3.21 December 31st, 2016 was my last drink of whiskey. I wish I could say I committed to being sober the next day but I didn't. I knew I was destroying my body and my relationships. I knew I needed to stop drinking for good, but I gave myself an out. I was going to "experiment" with not drinking for 120 days.In March 2017, I traveled to St....

I cried this morning. I was sitting in my chair attempting to read the Yoga Sutras in its entirety before work, and I just started crying. My tears were a salty mixture of overwhelming gratefulness, a lifetime of regret and a sense of purpose. This is the sutra that caused the first tear: "The cause of suffering is that the unbounded Self is overshadowed by the world" Yoga Sutra of Pantajali 1.17 I don't deserve this life I have, and I am grateful for it. I spent 20 years being a selfish manipulative asshole trying to achieve a twisted definition...

Dr. Flores asked last week how I felt about everything. He meant the last 3 months where I truly had to face myself, the last 9 months since I got completely sober, the last 4 years since I entered recovery and the knowledge of why I drank away the last 20 years. I replied, "If the cost of all I have gone through is the man that is sitting here today, I would gladly pay it again." This is the healthiest - physically, mentally, spiritually -- I have ever been. Patanjali tells us in Yoga Sutra II.21, Tadartha eva drsyasyatma...

Day 270 of Complete Sobriety: Night and Day A couple of nights ago, a coworker and I were goofing around after an event and taking pictures under the lights outside of the Fox Theatre. We were laughing and being silly. A random snapshot captured the picture on the right. I cherish this moment. I remembered a time when this type of casual playfulness was foreign to me, especially sober. The picture on the left was taken around Feb 2013. Six months prior I was recruited from teaching to be a software developer. I was elected to chair a board committee...

I attempted to read the Yoga Sutras years ago as part of a 3 month Ashtanga immersion at our shala. They not resonate with me. The language seemed too dense and odd (ie colored impressions), but I had bought the book and it remained on my shelf. There was no grand plan earlier this year to begin studying the sutras. Newly sober, I was as scattered as I can ever remember being in life. I was caught in a tornado of figuring myself out and barely understood myself from moment to moment. One night in June, I was extremely restless...

I began my Ashtanga yoga practice at Balance Yoga nearly 4 years ago. At 246 lbs (no, I could not touch my toes) and newly in recovery I went to my first yoga basics class. I learned the first few poses in the Ashtanga primary series (had no idea what that meant.) Ashtanga is a sequenced, mostly self-led practice . As you build strength, gain flexibility and master your breathing your teachers (❤️ you Kathy and Marsha) will allow you to progress in the series. This discipline of doing the same sequence 5 to 6 days a week allows you...

I stopped drinking 220 days ago. Recently I questioned my decision. I am recounting these events to remind myself why I chose this path; why it is necessary. By May of 2016 my body was falling apart. After practicing yoga for 3 years, my progress halted. A chronic shoulder injury, tendonitis and weakness plagued me. I collapsed on Piedmont Road sober one afternoon. Blood work showed a major vitamin D deficiency. After some research, I was pretty sure I had alcoholic myopathy. It takes months of not drinking to reverse. If drinking affected muscle this way, what was it doing...

"Transformation isn’t sweet and bright. It’s a dark and murky, painful pushing. An unraveling of the truths you’ve carried in your body. A practice in facing your own created demons. A complete uprooting before becoming." -Victoria Erickson Arrogance told me I could do this on my own. My ego demanded it. The truth is even though I am surrounded with the most amazing and supportive friends and communities anyone could ever hope for, I often feel alone. Drinking was such a part of my identity. I had no choice but to ask for help. In the last 10 days, I...