I don’t know if truer words have ever been spoken to me. At least that is how it felt in that moment.
“The choice was made long before the action,” I read his text in his distinctive way of talking.
Fortunately my actions were not harmful, except to my immediate mental state, and mild in the grand scheme of things but I did just do something I promised myself I’d never do again.
There was no premeditation, no volition, no thoughts to warn me.
Data would suggest I was in no danger of falling into this old pattern but there I was faced with the end result asking, “How did that happen?”
He was right. The choice had been made long before the action.
Looking back over the last few months I had not prioritized efforts I put in place to keep me mentally healthy. All my practices had become lax. I had become complacent.
I had not written, fellowshipped with my sober communities, or practiced with the same intention I had over the last 1000 days.
I am grateful to be reminded we must put energy and effort in to overcome disorder, in our minds and in our universe.