670 days sober: Sobriety is an internal project.

Butler doing chaturanga

“I know what I'm asking but would you be willing to take on a project like me?”

“I am willing to help in any way I can, but this is not my project to take on. It is your project.

Writing it tore my heart. I'm open to talking to anyone who reaches out. I am willing to share my story with anyone that wants to hear it.

I'm happy to hear people questioning their behaviors -- it is the first step, but sobriety is an internal project. No one else can take it on.

I know they didn't mean it that way. They just needed help, but in matters of life and death honesty is required.

No one can save you, but you. I waited forever for someone to save me. People tried. People cared. But ultimately they were powerless.

I had to come to the conclusion, and then I had to do the work.

You can't make your son or daughter stop doing drugs. You can't make your brother or sister quit drinking.

You can support them. You can be a source of accountability. Maybe you provide the spark that makes them begin to question their behavior. You can be a warm beacon in sea of cold despair; showing them that someone still cares, but you can't force them to change their behavior. As hard as you may try, you simply can't.

The addict has to want something different for themselves. Then they have to do the work.

The underlying reasons driving addictions are as different as those suffering. Many people don't know why they do the things they do, if they are even aware they are doing them. Many don't care to ask or know. The reasons can span generations or spring from a single moment of trauma. The trauma can be something that happened to them or some care they never received.

I can only share what has worked for me.

  • I continue to learn about myself and life through psychotherapy and studying philosophy.
  • I build self-discipline and strength through my yoga practice.
  • I share openly about my experiences and hope it can help someone.

I thought I'd die either from or because of my addictions. I thought I could not be saved.

I didn't die. I am doing the work. I am very much alive. More alive than ever before.