780 days sober: Where did 10 days go?

Butler Raines smiling typing sitting in a chair

It just hit me today. I thought, "I need to check in on when I write again."

I do my normal search, “How many days since January 1, 2017?”

Holy shit. Where did 10 days go? It just seems like yesterday that I scrambled to write. I have been tired. Pushing hard through the daily motions and responsibilities.
I’ve been showing up for practice, but rather than energizing, it's been draining. I’m trying to be easy on myself.

That’s not to say I haven’t done a lot I these 10 days. I had dinner with my teacher Kathy and dear friend Megan. I hosted friends old and new at Art Crush. I hacked together a script to do some analytics work. Dove into “Thinking Fast, Thinking Slow."

But in my memory, I just feels like it was in another life by another person a long time ago.

It just seems gone in the blink of an eye. Not how I want to live my life.

I’ve already lost 20 years before getting sober.

The last 2 years have been the best of my life. The last 8 months even more special.

I don’t want to lose even 10 more days.

I want to live a full life, but as my friend and mentor Steve coaches me, on the rested edge.

I want to be mindful in life and around the ones I love.

I want to love myself so much I don’t let anything take 10 days away from me again or my attention from the ones I love.

I don’t even know I would have noticed if I hadn’t thought to write this note.