I love this photo. It was taken weeks ago. On that day I chose not to share it. I felt posting this picture would be misrepresenting the struggles I was having in sobriety and life, and would dishonor the support so many were providing. I actually thought, "How dare I smile?" But in this moment I was happy. In the middle of all my questioning, I felt joy to spontaneously visit my dear and amazing friend. In this moment I was present and safe.
Pictures are just small snapshots of our lives. You cannot look at this picture and know my struggles on this journey. It would be easy to make assumptions about my life. We should all be mindful of this as we interact with each other. We cannot know a person's past or the circumstances that led this to a moment. We do not know their stress and anxieties; their experiences or biochemistry. We must meet them with kindness and patience and try not take take things personally if negative reactions arise.
"This man beside us also has a hard fight with an unfavouring world, with strong temptations, with doubts and fears, with wounds of the past which have skinned over, but which smart when they are touched. It is a fact, however surprising. And when this occurs to us we are moved to deal kindly with him, to bid him be of good cheer, to let him understand that we are also fighting a battle; we are bound not to irritate him, nor press hardly upon him nor help his lower self."
I think sometimes when we feel one way, we think it is wrong to feel another. Pain and joy can coexist. You can be happy and sad at the same time. No one thing defines you. Feel it all.
When life is hard, it can be easy to be ashamed of the happy moments. Don't be. Allow yourself to be happy. Even for a moment.
Seek the moment. For in a moment you can remember.
How to breath...
Why you are doing this...
How to feel happy...
Sometimes a moment is all you need.
My goal is to write something lighter and more inspiring 10 days from now. As much as I tried I just kept coming back to this topic. Thanks for letting me hold myself accountable to you.